So....you're here in the States illegally?
No problemo!
Feel free to get a job...many employers never check for documentation, and cash talks!
Drive a car....you don't need no stinkin' insurance...or even a license! American citizens will gladly pay those ever-increasing insurance premiums!
Be sure to send your kids to our schools and then force the schools to become bilingual, and teachers to lose their jobs because they only speak English. After all, assimilating into our society is so uncool and such a bother! Who needs that? Certainly not you!
Get a bank account! Even if most of your money get wired back to other countries, we'll take whatever small amount happens to be left over.
Need medical help? Hey, for you, amigo, it's FREE! And be sure to have your women give birth while inside our borders illegally....it's a free pass for you parents, and we citizens love paying more for our medical insurance, plus footing the bill for you and your ever-growing family!
You say you want to buy a house? Just because you're undocumented doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to purchase one for you and your 20 closest relatives! Meanwhile we citizens have to depend on things like credit!
By all means, protest in the streets of your adopted country, waving the flag of your motherland, and demean the flag of the country you seem to so desperately want to become part of, yet hate everything about.
On that note, you say that you want reconquista de Tejas, along with other border states? Go for it, vato! Our borders are sieves, drugs pour in by the ton, thousands of people cross the borders illegally every month, heaven forbid we should enforce our own laws...so why shouldn't we happily give Texas back to Mexico? Just because it's been part of the United States since 1845 never really mattered anyway, right?
I'm sure it's not racist at all that one of your major Hispanic associations is called "La Raza" which means "The Race." It would be silly to think that!
And if you're an OTM* be sure to bring your crazy religions and traditions to our country, and then argue, complain, sue, and resort to violence when our laws and customs don't happen to abide by your rules, or you don't happen to like a particular CARTOON. It's perfectly okay if you call us pigs, apes and infidels. After all: "War is ordained by Allah, and all Muslims must be willing to fight, whether they like it or not," so obviously, WE must all be in the wrong. Pay no attention to those silly laws and rules!
Don't forget: it's always appropriate that a letigious solution is the best solution! A long, drawn out, broken legal system is a joy to see in action!
It's obvious that the few should always be more important than the many. All of your yelling and screaming and flag burning and lawsuits and violence really have made a difference....you're finally making us see the truth! After all, we're learning that America is just a big, bad, intolerant, bossy, dictatorial, hateful, inflexible, narrow-minded, racist, global bully, complete with a bona fide idiot running the show! We should welcome all of you undocumented illegals with open arms!
And your truth is that it's simply all about YOU, isn't it? Wow, what a concept!
So hey....welcome to the formerly United States!
*OTM = other than Mexicans; over 60,000 OTMs crossed U.S. borders illegally in 2005
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